Worst Jokes Ever
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Bippity Boppity Bill Cosby!
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Bend over and spell run.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.