Worst Jokes Ever
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.