Worst Jokes Ever
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."