Worst Jokes Ever
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.