What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
The Honest Truth About Masturbation
Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen up, buttercup. The joke plays on the idea that, like, everyone masturbates. So, if someone says they don't, they're totally fibbing. It's kinda like saying you've never picked your nose. We all do it, but no one admits it, dingus.