Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
