Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.