Worst Jokes Ever
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.