I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Worst Jokes Ever
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
