Worst Jokes Ever

God creating bees.

God: "Put a needle on their butt."

Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"

God: "Make its puke delicious."

Angel: "WTF"

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get fat.

What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?

He got inked up.

what's black and red and is a liquid?

my scars!

What do you call terrible milk?

Udder Bullshit.

Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

What do you call a roach in milk?

A roach con leche. 😂

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"

What do you call a gay threesome?

A Sloppy Joe.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.