Worst Jokes Ever
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.