Worst Jokes Ever

Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.

I didn't want to interrupt her.

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"

The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."