Worst Jokes Ever

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

Helen Keller walked into a bar.

Then a table.

Then a chair.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?

You: No.

Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.