Worst Jokes Ever
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."