Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.