Worst Jokes Ever

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.