Worst Jokes Ever

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.