I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.
Worst Jokes Ever
Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home is... *sniff*
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.
"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.
_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
