Worst Jokes Ever

I bought a book for my blind friend.

I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.

What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!

What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?

"Meals on Wheels."

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

What's the most played game in Africa? The Hunger Games.

What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?

Ketchup!

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

Why can't an orphan get offended?

What are they gonna do, tell their mom?

Dad, am I adopted?

NO! Why would I ever choose you?

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

Q. What makes music on your hair?

A. A headband!

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.