Worst Jokes Ever

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."