Worst Jokes Ever

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."