If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Worst Jokes Ever
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I cum (Can't understand math).
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
What did the panther say at the Poker Party? "I would be lion if I said I was a cheetah."
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
