Worst Jokes Ever
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
John
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.