Worst Jokes Ever
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?
A plains biome.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."