Worst Jokes Ever
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.