Worst Jokes Ever
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.