Worst Jokes Ever
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.