Worst Jokes Ever

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Why couldn't the orphan watch Spiderman? He couldn't find his way home.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.