Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill’s real name is Randy.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
