Worst Jokes Ever
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.