Worst Jokes Ever
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.