Worst Jokes Ever
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.
like if you know someone that is emo.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.