Worst Jokes Ever
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pizza, but all they got was plane.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.