Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?
I love working at an orphanage.
What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?
Motherboard.
Just 'cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would.
What did the orphan say to his parents?
I'm tripping balls right now!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.
But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad never came home with the milk.
Joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.