Worst Jokes Ever

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

Big Chungus.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!

I looked in the mirror.

How do rappers greet each other?

With a "Mic check, one-two."

What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?

RHYME-STEIN.

What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?

Memorial Day.

Why?

Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

What's up, bitches? Miss me?

I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces!! HAHAHA

What did the traffic light say to the other?

"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

What do 9/11 and COVID-19 have in common?

I couldn't give a fuck about either.

A man walks in to the doctor.

He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."

Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

I didn’t know you could yodel!

Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?

It doesn't know jack.

What’s another name for a cow?

You... cause you're fat.