Told jokes

I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?

He cracked up!

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.