Told

Told jokes

Kid

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

Adoption

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

Rodeo

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

Trash

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Basement

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

Therapist

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Bag

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

Funeral

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Dog

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Vegetable

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Noise

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

Skeleton

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

Sex

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

Eye

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Coconut

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Egg

What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?

He cracked up!

Mum

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Friend

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

Breastfeeding

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."