Told jokes

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher told them it was a piece of cake!

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:

Up

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.

Kid: I want to be like Batman.

Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.

Genie: I told you.

Kid: .............................................

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.