Told jokes

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.