Told jokes

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.

She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...

Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.

She told her, "Hey, long time no see."

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

I was playing basketball and a guy in a wheelchair asked if he could play.

I looked at him and told him that we are looking for ankle breakers, yours are already broken.

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad. He didn't show up for the rest of the year.