I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
I told this man to rev his vehicle.
Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
