Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"? He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: That’s sad.
Teacher: Anyways, who is away today?
Student: Your parents.
I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job
Today we had a test on september 11th in school. I got a 9/11
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, ‘cus I gotta go back tomorrow.
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Hey guys, I just wanna say I say what happened to Kanye, he is one of my favorite rappers and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said, I completely support him and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships-Collin Kaepernick
i got kicked out of a library today
because i put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section
Yes the Queen has died today, can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross dressing as her.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
I joined a emo class today the first lession I learnt was slice and dice and let it flow.
Cashier: Will you want the milk in a bag today sir?
Customer: I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind.
Why did the sperm cross the road ———— because I put on the wrong sock today
Today i find out that my cat got hit by a car accident, wellp i guess im gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again, Its not like anyone will notice.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
