Today jokes
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?
Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.
I did a walk today, but it was so much better, and a walk home. I had dinner. Night was good fun at home. Night was good night. I was a little off, but you were so fun to be a night.
My owl turned 180 today.
He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
I got sad today.
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.
I woke up in my bed today.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
14 girls asked me to go out today!
I was in the ladies' toilets...
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"