Today jokes

Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I

I did a walk today, but it was so much better, and a walk home. I had dinner. Night was good fun at home. Night was good night. I was a little off, but you were so fun to be a night.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.

What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?

"Who's the special today?"

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

There was a dino at the library today.

It was reading a thesaurus.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean, he just blew up overnight!