Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!
Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
I got in trouble today bc I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said lighten up
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?
Frisk: One knife, plz.
Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.
Waiter: You eat a knife?
Frisk: Yes.
*Waiter asking for one knife*
Waiter: Here you go.
Frisk: Thanks you.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."
Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"
Today I am finding out the lore of worstjokesever.com.
Who is older than the Twin Towers?
Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
