Time jokes

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?

The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Why can’t October fool April?

Because only April fools.

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?

A baby you cut one off each time.

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.