Time jokes

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?

The Munch Bunch.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.