Time jokes

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

Worst joke ever.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

The last time I ever made a joke was just now.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Your mama is so fat, I had to look twice to get a first impression.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

Your future.

Gwen, do you have to be so happy all the time? Even you don't get the joke!

80s (DYM 84)

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?

The Munch Bunch.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.