Time jokes
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Deja Vu.
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.