Time jokes
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
Watching paint dry sounds like a thrill compared to spending time with Slade.
It davving on the eons, broski.
Why do rappers take time to prepare for camping?
Tupac-in-a-tent.
What do you call a rapper who's ALWAYS on time?
Punctual P
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
I have the superpower to predict the past.
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.
The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"
"What happened?" said the manager.
"A civil war."
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"
Well, Germany lost twice.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.