Time jokes

Once upon a time, a donkey was in the jungle. Suddenly, he found a lion costume and then wore it. Then he walked around the forest, and every animal was scared of him. Then he got to the city, and every human was away from him. He was chasing them when he was chasing his owner. He brayed, and then they figured out that this was not a real lion, and then he told everybody about it. Then he berated his donkey.

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?

Time to walk with your dog 🐶!

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

Why did the girls sit on the clock?

To be on time.

This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"