Time jokes
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
Answer: The future.
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101
Memes
It's that time of year again. 🎄🎅🤶🎄
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."