Time jokes

Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

2 times 4 equals 18?

Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.

What's the worst time to fly a plane?

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

2 7 73 53.

I'll give you time, figure it out.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.

What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?

"Long time no see!"

But when?

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.