Time jokes
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
Memes
Relatable
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
What do you get if you cross Damian Lillard and a watch?
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Spring time!
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!