Time jokes
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.
Memes
damnn
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?