Time jokes

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

2 7 73 53.

I'll give you time, figure it out.

What's the worst time to fly a plane?

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.

Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.

Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.

But when?

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!