Time jokes
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
Which flies cannot be seen?
Time flies.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had mad flow!
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.
Every time French people greet me, they say "banjo."
Nga, I don't got no fucking banjo.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.