Time jokes
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Memes
Kill the commies
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
Watching paint dry sounds like a thrill compared to spending time with Slade.
Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.
The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"
"What happened?" said the manager.
"A civil war."
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.