Time jokes

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"

Well, Germany lost twice.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?

A: I find your lack of face disturbing.

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.