Time jokes

Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

When is the peanut butter due to arrive?

In a Jif.

I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

What's the second hardest thing in the morning?

The first hardest thing. 🍆

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

Morbius is definitely one of the movies ever made. One of the movies of all time.

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

What do you call two emos spending time together?

Hanging out.