Time jokes

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

But when?

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.

1 hour challengeeee.

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

What do you mean cook? We wait till summer.

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?

What month of the year has 28 days?

Answer: All of them.

Q: What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

A: One is a good year, one is a great year.

"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....

Can February march?

No, but April may.