Time jokes

Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That it will never get old.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

Why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year?

Time to play guitar!

*absolutely shreds*

What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?

I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

What time is it when dogs get hurt?

Time to take your dog to the vet!

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.

Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.

What time is it when you can drive home from phone?

What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?

Why do orphans have 363 days on the calendar? Because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day!

Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.

Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"