Time jokes

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

Why do your orphans not drink beer?

Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

Have a great day today!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

Good day tomorrow, and what day are they still good today? Good time. Love day! A great night time and...

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!