Time jokes

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

Have a great day today!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?

Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

Glad to present you a wood clock.

https://olegon.ru/clock/

When do eggs hatch?

At the CRACK of dawn!

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.