Start Jokes

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.

(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)

I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

Patient: "What condition?"

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".

If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.

The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.