Start Jokes

Anonymous
in Puns

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

person

“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

Anonymous

Whats starts with M and end with arriage?

Miscarriage Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child

The Milkman

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already

Mustangaddict93

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children’s ward

Mechanical Manic

I’m starting to wish my grass was emo. Why? So it would cut itself.

Shmeef

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

2
Alabama Boy

So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING

4
Ethan
in Bar

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

Tides
in Priest

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? they both start at 12.

Anonymous

How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1

Anonymous

Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

Anonymous

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

7
Alexkila
in Emo

I started an emo salsa band We’re called Hispanic at the Disco

👍🏼

Lynn🤍💖

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running?” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”

Anonymous
in Marriage

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

[null48]

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.

0
dirty night clown

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

mixed joke boom box
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”

That one dude

“I had a great day today.” “Why?” “Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, ‘Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?’”

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