Thought jokes

What did the porg say to the porg?

Hi Porg.

You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!

Yo mama is so fat, I thought she was a beach whale.

Why do people think about handsome boys at night?

Because they're dreamy!

Yo mama so fat!

She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.

(And you thought this would be a joke.)

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.

It was 9/11 all over again.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.