Thought jokes
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.
Yo mama so poor she walked into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?
Because he thought it said "Home Deport."
Who wants to laugh about life with me?
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.
Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.