Thought jokes

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.

Your forehead is so big, I thought it was Mount Chiliad.

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo head so freaking small, people thought it was an expired grape.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.

–Pluto.