Thought jokes

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.

1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.

Your forehead is so big, I thought it was Mount Chiliad.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo head so freaking small, people thought it was an expired grape.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.

–Pluto.

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

Weird.

Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.

Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.