Thought jokes

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Why do people think about handsome boys at night?

Because they're dreamy!

"Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

You've realized I exist? Huh, cool.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".

Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?

She thought she was black.

This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD

Your mum's so dumb, she thought Pornhub was a corn hub!

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.