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Thought jokes

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.

They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.

The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

Some kid: "Yeah?"

Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

*The kid laughs*

Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

  • 1

    • There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

    A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

    Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

    Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

    Brother:......

  • 4

    • We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.