New Thought Jokes - Page 15 - Worst Jokes Ever

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.