Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins
i was digging in a garden once a found a chest full of gold i wanted to show my wife but then i thought why i was digging in the first place
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shelleriouse.
My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.
I thought i had the best kd ratio in my fighter jet on battlefield then i heard about Mohammed atta
You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face
On my tinder profile I said “I prefer quality over quantity”. I just thought it sounded nicer than saying “no fat birds”
We thought that my mother died in the best was possible, during her sleep. But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
some one when thought the fly thought for pizza
I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.
Yo mama so ugly when sh played five nights at Freddy's they thought th at she was already in an anamatronic costume.
Yo mama so stupid she made Patrick run away because he thought it was contagious 🤣
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Yo mama so stupid she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
the parents who left their kids on the side of the road should of thought twice and got abortion
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding... ...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically,"No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
An orphan saw A tornado and he thought he saw his mom but then he realized it was a corpse and said hi Dad
