Thought

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I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

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    • I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

    I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

    As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

    Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

    One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

    My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

    A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

    Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

    Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

    I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

    "Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

    "Bugger off!" he shouted back.

    "What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

    If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

    Therianarchy!

    I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

    I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

    "Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"