They jokes

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

Why do they act so emo?

Because they are all retards.

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!

Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.

Why did the butt fart?

Because they don't know the words.

What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

What do cheetahs wear to work?

They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!

I don't trust atoms.

They make up everything.