They jokes
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.