They jokes
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Memes
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.