Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
They Jokes
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.
