They jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
There has to be a connection
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."