They jokes
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
There has to be a connection
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.