They jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?
They both have no way home.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"