Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
They Jokes
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find a way home.
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
